Why it took me 14 months to write again

It’s been over 14 months since my last blog post. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I had intended to keep writing. Every month my Google reminder would pop up to remind me that my blog post was due. And each month I basically hit the snooze button and figured I would start writing tomorrow.

Yes, my hiatus is partially due to having a new baby (albeit 18 months ago…). Yes, we’ve recently moved to a new city. Yes, I’m a working Mom with a full-time job. Yes, I’ve been busy.

But when you boil it all down, I’ve really just been procrastinating.

Oh, procrastination. Something we all deal with and most of us struggle with. Sometimes procrastination lasts 10 minutes (I just have to watch this YouTube video of a dog washing a car before I can get back to work...). Or sometimes it can last twenty years.

Procrastination has become somewhat of a dirty word. Something we complain about, want to improve about ourselves. Often it’s something we feel guilty about.

Lately I’ve come to have more compassion for my procrastination. It isn’t all bad and sometimes serves a purpose or is necessary for our own self-care and well-being.

I’ve procrastinated on projects or endeavors that with time I ultimately realized were not the right fit. In those instances, my procrastination was really my inner wisdom telling me to slow down and rethink my next move.

I’ve waited to respond to an email, or to put together a proposal, and with clarity and a good night’s sleep, was much more clear-headed and articulate in my response.

Sometimes procrastination is a sign that you need to stop doing the task or project in the first place, or outsource it to someone who does enjoy doing it.

Sometimes you have to respect your own flow. Some of us like to start early, need the space and freedom of ample time to complete a task. While others of us do better with tight deadlines (i.e. leaving things until the last minute).

Sometimes you just need to rest, take a nap, focus on your family and friends, and have fun.

But…

Sometimes, procrastination is about fear.

It is about resisting the things we feel called to do, that we are passionate about, that will ultimately bring us joy and fulfillment. We resist because we’re scared, because it may require that we be vulnerable, and that we step into a power within ourselves that’s uncomfortable and uncertain.

Sometimes we’re scared to actually do the things that will make us feel better.

Procrastination has many shades, and it is important to know which one is showing up for you.

For me, I realized that my months of not writing—though I had many valid excuses—were really about fear. Fear of not knowing where to start, of not having enough time, of it not being good enough, and on and on. And, since I’ve come to believe that you can feel fear but do it anyway, here we are. 14 months later but back to writing.

And that’s the beauty of procrastination. You can always decide to take action. It may take days, or weeks, or years, but you can always choose to start from where you are.

You can always begin again.

Love,

Katie